Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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