The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i love accidental penises.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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