from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
