you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
