She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
