Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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