glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
