So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't deserve a penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
