Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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