I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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