Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
