How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
