1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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