i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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