I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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