It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN