I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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