Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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