Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
