Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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