What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize