I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
