so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
