dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
