there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
