I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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