well I can't set my house on fire every night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
