my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
