Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
