I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
