He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
