Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
