I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
