Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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