you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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