Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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