Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
