good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
