Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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