When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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