A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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