her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
