I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
