She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
