either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
