And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
