So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
