remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
