I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
