So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize