So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
