wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am available for nakedness
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
