so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
