I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
