the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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