so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
