Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
