The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
