I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
