dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
