Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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