Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
