people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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