The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
