If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
