He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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