I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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