Four minutes until I can fart!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
