Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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