What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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