i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
