Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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