im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
