when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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