I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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