He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
