someone get that fucking seahorse.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
