im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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