you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
