it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
