I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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