i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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