I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
